Undecided?

Have you ever felt like you have too much to do and not enough time?  Too many big decisions to make and not enough clarity as to what to do?  You are not alone.

Everyday we are making decisions about our lives, maybe even the lives of others, children, parents, the list goes on.  How can we feel confident in our decision making?

What method do you use?  One fail safe way to make decisions is to sleep on them, meditate on them, or as I tell my children, check your tummy.  What does it tell you?  What is your first hit?  Do that.  Follow that feeling.

Your intuitive self will not steer you wrong.  You may learn a few lessons, but it will always be for your highest good.  Try it for a week, then two, then a month.  You will soon learn that your intuition is your best friend and trusted guide.

10 Things I Learned From My Divorce

 10 Things I Learned From My Divorce

1.  Hold my tongue and not interrupt.

2.  Sometimes my partner will use actions instead of words to show his love.

3.  My partner's need are as important as my own.

4.  Take responsibility for my own happiness and not make my partner responsible.

5.  Focus on what is working instead of what is not.

6.  Trust my partner rather than monitoring him.

7.  Appreciate all his efforts, not just the big ones.

8.  Accept his apology without the review that followed.

9.  Forgive more easily and more often.

10. Don't look to my partner to meet all my emotional needs. 

Male Brain vs. Female Brain

By Rebecca Nelles, eHow Contributing Writer

Women and men have numerous differences, some of which can be nice or comforting to discover, others that can be frustrating or annoying to contend with. It appears that many of these differences, everything from the upbeat dispositions of men to the maternal instincts of women, can be explained by differences between the male and the female brains.

Talking

1.According to Laura Schaefer, author of “Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time,” the parts of the brain responsible for humans’ ability to understand and use language cues are thinner in the male brain.  Schaefer recommends that, instead of being insulted if a man lets a conversation die out, women should instead consider that he is “simply basking in moments of quiet companionship.”
Women, on the other hand, are hard-wired to love to talk and communicate. Louann Brizendine, in her book “The Female Brain,” writes that “connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl’s brain. We’re not talking about a small amount of pleasure. This is huge. It’s a major dopamine and oxytocin rush, which is the biggest, fattest neurological reward you can get outside of an orgasm.”

Mood

2.According to a McGill University study, the male brain produces 52 percent more serotonin than the female brain. Serotonin is a mood-influencing chemical, and its strong presence in men may explain why fewer men than women suffer from depression or why men often seem to be generally more easygoing than women.

Memories

3.Women tend to remember details better than men. This is probably because of the different ways the two sexes organize memories. Men use the part of the brain responsible for the action of an event, the right side of the amygdala, to organize memories.
Women, on the other hand, use the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions, the left side of the amygdala, to order memories in terms of their emotional strength.  Interestingly, the amygdala is also the center of fear and anxiety in women and must be “turned off” in order for women to be sexually aroused.

Sex Hormones

4.In men, the part of the brain responsible for mating behavior is more than twice as large as it is in women’s brains. This area, called the preoptic area of the hypothalamus, is connected to the pituitary gland, which secrets sex hormones.  This may help to explain why men seem to have much more active sex drives than do women and also why, according to Brizendine, men think about sex every minute, while women could go a day or two without thinking about it.

Women tend to express emotion more than they think about sex. As Brizendine puts it, “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road. Men, however, have O’Hare Airport as a hub for processing thoughts about sex, where women have the airfield nearby that lands small and private planes.”

Mommy Brain

5.The female brain is especially known for what has begun to be called “the maternal brain.” In an article on Oprah Winfrey’s website, Dr. Oz goes over some facts about the female “maternal brain” with Brizendine. For example, while a woman is pregnant, her brain changes its metabolism and shrinks in size, but without losing any cells. Dr. Brizendine admits, “We don’t know what it’s doing, but we think it has something to do with redeveloping the mommy brain’s circuits, but also maybe even letting the fetus ‘snack’ on the mommy’s brain.”

When a woman reaches menopause, this “maternal brain” shuts off. Hormones that have driven women to care, nurture and tend to others and to avoid conflict are no longer produced.

Remember Only The Good

Each time we survive the loss of a love, any kind of love, life takes on new meaning.  We hurt, we cry, we learn, we grow.  We promise ourselves that the next time around, we will be smarter and wiser and we are. . . . . until the next time.

We meet someone new, someone we care about and then for some strange reason, all logic and reasoning seem to take flight and we become void of any sound reasoning.  We seem to hear what we want to hear and disregard what we don’t want.  We see our loved one through our own personal filter and they look wonderful.  Life is good, we are in love.  Finally, there is hope that this life of ours will actually work out.  Finally.

And then, somewhere in the journey down the road with our beloved, there’s a bump, and a little further down there’s a dip and then an unexpected curve in the road.

As darkness descends on the relationship, the night air thickens with a foggy mist disguised as denial.  Yes, just enough denial to hide what lies ahead for we don’t want to know what lies ahead if we think it would hurt us, so we look for the good.  We tell ourselves, if we can just stay focused on the good, maybe the bad will go away.

The road, like the relationship, eventually comes to an end and it’s time to get out, its time to say goodbye.  Goodbyes aren’t easy and can be quite painful, no matter which side you are on.  Let’s face it, goodbyes are never easy, especially when it feels like it is forever.

Standing on the side of the road, in what seems to be the middle of nowhere, you hear the rumble of thunder from the ominous clouds above.  Within moments, it begins to rain, and it’s timing is impeccable.  Your heart feels the trembling of the storm within.  Your tears and the raindrops become interchangeable.  No one can tell you are in pain.

When will the sun come out again?  Will our hearts heal?  When will it stop hurting, we ask ourselves.  Only time will tell.  In the meantime, we forge the road ahead with courage and a healthy curiosity for what life will hand us next.

Every relationship will go through different seasons.  True love has the capacity to endure the changes in the weather.  It is the very changing of the seasons that we struggle with.  We get stuck in the summer or winter of our love and forget that for everything there is a time, a season and a reason.

Stand in the truth of who you are, for it is there you will find your strength, it is there you will find your peace, and it is there you will find your way back home.

We will all take this trip.  We will love, we will be loved and we will at some point be hurt by love.  The blessing comes from being grateful for the opportunity to have someone to love in the first place.  And in that loving, we realize that giving someone our love is never an assurance that they will love us back.  We learn to not expect love in return, and whether or not love grows in their heart, we are content knowing it grew in ours.

Falling In Love Over The Internet

Is it possible to fall in love over the internet with someone you’ve never met?  It is certainly possible to have feelings for someone based on e-mails and phone conversations.  But how real is it?

Dating via the internet.  Everyone’s doing it.  Some are even getting married but on an emotional level, what is happening?

Navigating oneself in the dating world is a challenge.  Making the time and putting forth the effort to date isn’t easy.

Meeting over on the internet keeps us from being intimate, keeps us comfortable.  We don’t have to become vulnerable over the internet.

When we “find” someone interesting on a dating site, we begin by sending e-mails back and forth.  As chemistry develops, it sets up camp in our minds.  Our ability to put our feelings into words comes easily, possibly effortless.  We are much more open via e-mail than we might be in person.  With excitement building, we write our potential new “love” and look forward everyday to receiving their e-mail.  As they reveal more and more about themselves, it touches a special place in our hearts.  In turn we feel safe to open up and share as well…..and so the dance begins.  We’ve create through written words a level of safety which enables us to reveal more and more of who we are.

If we progress to talking on the phone, we develop a bond of sorts, which creates eve more chemistry and more sparks.  Life is looking good.

The dialogue continues until the day comes when you decide to meet.  Not only is there great anticipation, but we also feel the pressure and expectations.  Pressure that the chemistry and passion you have created so far will continue and the expectation that this new found love will feel the same.

Here are 5 tips to help guide you through this stressful situation:

1.  Stay realistic.  Keep things in perspective, don’t glorify them.  You don’t need someone to be happy.

2.  Safety over emotions.  Amid being nervous and excited, acknowledge the signs that could be red flags.  Be aware.  Your safety is always more important than what you are feeling for another.

3.  Don’t meet too soon.  This is a sign this person might be desperate or is not serious about being in committed relationship.   Casual dater equals red flag!

4.  Be wary of someone who comes and goes in their contact with you.   If they email you heavily one week and the next week they are barely there, especially without any explanation, they could be dating someone else.  It definitely a warning sign that something else is going on, so be cautious.

5.  If you notice a change in their email salutations.  If they stop addressing you by name or endearment, or don’t sign their name to their e-mails this is a sign they might be losing interest.

Dating on the internet can be fun and exciting.  It can also be dangerous.  Your soul mate might be on the other side of the planet or just next door and the only way to know is to get out there and date.

Navigating the dating world may feel like shark fishing in a desert but if you keep your eyes open, trust your intuition, and have an open heart, you are sure to find the love of your life.

Expectation vs. Reality

What is it about expectations?  We all have expectations.  We have expectations at work, with our families, our children, and certainly in our personal relationships.  Even when we don’t get what we want, we still have expectations.  If we are used to having our way, we expect we will get what we want, and more.

We can try to live without expectations, but try as we may, they still exist.  We find that out whenever we are disappointed.  We feel let down.  We begin to realize that it wouldn’t hurt so bad if we hadn’t expected something.

How many times have we beat ourselves up for having an expectation? The truth is we are human beings who are designed to feel. We are designed to feel love, happiness, loss, grief, and even disappointment.  Remembering that, we can let ourselves off the hook and stop judging ourselves for feeling the way we do.

In frustration, we tell ourselves not to expect anything and so we won’t be disappointed.  This just leads to a life of mediocrity, feelings of complacency, and a deterioration of our motivation and excitement for life.  We lose our desire to live a life worth remembering.

When we decide to give up part of who we are, we die a little on the inside.  Eventually we can’t even feel our feelings or our desires, and have little to live for. With each confirmation that we didn’t succeed, we give up wanting. Each time we give up, it numbs the rest of us.

Expectations are a good thing.  We should have expectations.  It says so in the Bible; God meets us at our level of expectation.  If we expect little from life and from God, little is offered.  If we dream big plans, expect great things, we are open tounlimited possibilities.

Are you blocking the flow of goodness in your life?  What do you expect from life?  What do you expect from yourself?  From your partner?  Do you expect miracles in your life?  Are you expecting the right people to come into your life at the right time?

We all want and expect good health. We want a vibrant body that everyday   supports us by giving us legs to walk on.  A body that gives us feet for taking us every where we want to go.

The key to successfully realizing our dreams is to take time to acknowledge that we indeed got what we wanted, we achieved what we set out to do, or that a miracle we asked for, did take place. When we express our gratitude, we naturally attract more goodness in our life.  It is then that we can expect wonderful things to come our way without being emotionally attached to the outcome.

Take it a step further and express your gratitude by doing something for another.  Pledge everyday to do something nice for someone else, whether you know them or not.  Not only will you feel better about yourself, you are paying forward your gratitude to someone who is not expecting it.

There is no better way to show your appreciation than by helping another to feel valuable, visible and loved.  As you practice this everyday, your perception will adjust and your expectations will change.  Being on the receiving end of helping another is a wonderful thing.  Being on the giving end gives us purpose and a sense of belonging, the symbol of a well lived life.

 

How Can I Help You?

Those are magic words……especially for a woman.  When a woman hears someone offer help by saying, “How can I help you?”, her burdens suddenly become lighter.  Why?  Because when a woman hears the possibility that help is on its way, she is suddenly aware that she doesn’t have to do everything herself, and she can relax.  She will feel better just because someone asked and showed interest.

When this happens, the “feel-good” hormone, ocytocin, is released in her body causing serotonin to be produced in her brain, all allowing her to relax and let go.  In order for a woman to relax, she needs to let go of what is bothering her.

What are the magic words that help you relax?  Share with your partner, and the people in your life, what you need to hear.  What words or phrase would be helpful for them to say to you when you need to relax or when you want some encouragement and support?

That is why we are here — to help each other — so get busy.  Tell the people in your life what you need.  And instead of waiting for it, be supportive to another and watch how fast it comes back to you.

Why He Won't Tell You His New Year's Resolutions

Men tend to be “internalizers”.  They keep their feelings and emotion to themselves.  They can be hard to read. Think: the masked man.

Women, on the other hand, are “externalizers”.  They tend to let it all hang out.  They are also highly expressive.  I often say women are like an open book.

If you get a group of women together, look out.  There will be high levels of disclosure –women sharing everything and anything.  No conversation topic is sacred.  From diets to their insecurities to husband problems, women seek connections and intimacy through sharing.

For men, self-disclosure is minimal.  Men stick to “safe topic,” like work and sports.  They talk to share information, not emotion.

So on the topic of New Year’s resolutions, he might tell you how many miles he wants to start running every week, but don’t expect him to tell you the underlying emotional reason why.

~~ Audrey Nelson, author of “You Don’t Say: Navigating Nonverbal Communications Between the Sexes”, Women’s Magazine